| For the past ten years I’ve been working with individuals to assist them in making successful personal and career changes. I’ve come to realize my career choice came about partially as a result of being one of eight children in a chaotic, competitive, yet loving household, where the order of the day displaced conversations about our individual futures.
In high school, I hung out with easy-does-it friends, the ones who enjoyed the California sun and minimized study time. I pursued special interests, such as music, dance and acting and avoided the harder subjects, somehow also avoiding counselors, and therefore, not realizing college prep meant taking tougher courses. I started with community college and more theatre and liberal arts studies, but I also took Japanese (perhaps an unconscious interest to stand out among my siblings).
When it came time to register for my second year in college, I decided to live in Japan instead. Arriving there hit me with a harsh reality, a lone 19-year old female in a completely ethnocentric environment, a skinny brunette, towering above the all black haired people around me. It was survival, adjusting to learn a language, a culture and working skills that included teaching English (rather poorly I might add), assisting an import-export company (with souvenirs I couldn’t read the instructions on) and being a doctor’s office mascot (so he could show off his young American assistant).
Having already left the nest, I couldn’t exactly return home again, so when I returned from Japan I moved to Santa Barbara. I enrolled back in school part-time and shortly after was enticed by the happy faces at a local organic food store and the promise of everyone getting along in brotherhood. I joined a spiritual commune that depended on my adaptation to living among another large group of diverse individuals for the next six years. I learned to cook from scratch in pots that held gallons of soybeans, herded sheep and goats with my own assigned farm dog and horse, tilled and planted fields, taught children, and managed the products and paperwork at our several different grocery stores in town.
I married at the community. A few years later, my husband and I were asked to leave the commune, no longer welcome due to our proposing certain governing changes that were unacceptable to a closed, hierarchal society. We’d been downsized—and left with few provisions and even less money in our pockets. However, we networked and located a friend’s residence to stay at till we were on our feet, reestablished our “in-the-world” identities, and became one of the “townsfolk” again.
Some of my other big changes included cooking for a large sorority, attending different colleges while working in corporations and law firms in the administrative area, managing a youth-at-risk project, volunteering for other management work, and dabbling in the entertainment field. A healthy divorce and a healthier re-marriage were also significant changes. Slowly, I formed a career direction and relationships more closely honoring my deeper values and respect for myself. I then found some changes becoming easier. It was now clear which goals had a stronger pull, along with the actions necessary to reach those goals.
My direction has always been clarified through “growing me.” Sure, I’ve taken personal growth seminars, read books and essentially was a learning junkie—still am. In addition to my life skills and coach training, I hired my own coach and business consultant. I took classes, attended lectures. I’ve been therapized and counselized and gosh knows, I continue to knead myself, inside and out. I have a fitness consultant and health advisor, two close friends and scads of wonderful family and associates who inform, advise and model their excellent choices. All this exploration led to the eventual path I’m on assisting clients with making life and career changes.
William Jennings Bryan said, “Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice, it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” It often seems to me I approached change in a “come what may” fashion and I observed others doing the same. Yet if we continue to approach making changes in the same way as we always have, why do we wonder about how difficult it is, or why things continue not to work out the way we think they should? I’ve been curious to seek out ways to make change more effortless and prove or disprove adapted theories such as “timing is everything.” I wanted to assist others to achieve their destiny—their life and career changes—their passions—with more fluidity, and gain an awareness of what steps to take for repeating their successes.
A few years ago, I uncovered a theme of characteristics among those I’ve coached or consulted who repeatedly achieve their next big thing. The “next big thing” is what’s most important to you now that is a valued and worthy objective, which challenges and rewards you. It’s not arriving at one objective, but many purposefully chosen transitions or changes throughout one’s life. These identifying criteria have assisted my clients in knowing the times to hold on, let go, move ahead, or change course. This is where the sorting process comes with my clients, helping them discern the full impact of their choices.
So, when I speak of the next big thing, big is qualitative. We’re not all going to meet with such extreme challenges as Aron Ralston, the young mountain
climber who had to amputate his own arm to free himself from a crushing boulder, and then make his way to safety. For many, finding challenge and reward by simply getting in action and unstuck after a long time, or struggling to tap into what is their passion, is big. Big doesn’t refer to what others would consider important, but what is meaningful for you.
Here are the 13-characteristics which continually are embraced by those who achieve their next big thing:
Tells the truth about where they are now.
.....knows where they are and where they’re not, accepting it to move ahead.
Comfort zone is no longer comfortable
......relies on values and deep interests, spiritual, intuitive and material resources
Uses Uncertainty Set Point
.....re-uses point of former breakthrough at which they turned uncertainty around.
Willing to be the tall poppy
.....despite concerns of appearances or others assumed expectations.
Doesn’t choose easy qualifiers
.....embraces creative, imaginative and challenging opportunities.
Able to stay focused
.....makes clear choices, says no as needed, narrows project scope, commits.
Has an eye out for elephants-in-the-road
.....spots obstacles, learns healthy maneuvering techniques.
Accepts the pace of change
.....finds their own effective rhythm synchronized with external conditions.
Not an over planner
.....empowered by planning, yet knows when to move on with building.
Knows how to operate the generator
.....resourceful, encourages support, hones skills, curious to conclusions.
Lets go of the legacy trap
.....living making a difference now by being attentive to the present.
Expects new barriers and is ready
.....stays ahead of obstacles with inner and outer work, takes consistent steps.
Maintains a positive self-connection
.....4 R’s: relax and renew positive vs. limiting beliefs, and reassess and reframe
values, vision, passion and purpose.
#1 on my characteristics list is telling the truth about where you are. Are you stuck? Are you renewing or needing renewal? Preparing or in a research phase? These are very different places to be. If we don’t start by telling ourselves the truth about what our time, money, health, etc., will allow, then we can’t get to acceptance of where we are. Without accepting where we are, it’s a heck of a lot harder to move effortlessly ahead and when we move at all, this lack of acceptance diminishes our performance.
#2 As surprisingly simple as getting out of one’s comfort zone and living from one’s inner motivations sounds, many of my clients initially express a desire for objectives based in shoulds and comparisons, and not what fits their deep interests.
#3 Did you know that uncertainty can foster confidence? The Uncertainty Set Point means those points in time when you’ve consciously taken some action to move through a challenging experience and in doing so, raised the bar. Recognizing your part in having altered your circumstances, you develop a level of confidence and experience that let’s you take on more. Invest in uncertainty versus the confidence bank. You’ve deposited enough confidence coins and now that piggy bank is bulging, it’s time to break it and use it. Collect uncertain moments as memory guides to trigger your existing confidence.
#4 In the words of Lynda, a former client of mine, “Find all of the negative things that people say about why you can’t do something and throw them in the trash. It doesn’t matter where the economy is, what your education is, or what your experience is. When you find the passion you put the blinders on, move forward, and affirm to everyone that this is what you’re doing. You make every conversation an affirmation. You say, I am on my way to this!”
#5 There are lots of career routes that aren’t easy qualifiers and may certainly appear as if you’re working too hard at trying to get that new job. Are you really taking the most creative, albeit challenging route? Richard Bolles of What Color Is Your Parachute? fame, calls this “a learned skill” and says, “the creative approach to job-hunting or career-change” is clearly defining the “What: You must decide just exactly what you want to do. Where: You must decide just exactly
where you want to do it; and How: You must go after the organizations that interest you the most, whether or not they are known to have a vacancy.”
#6 is exemplified in an excerpt from a recent survey I conducted on change, in which one of the participants, Ermanno, discussed his challenge with staying focused, “I decided to polish up my writing script and finish that and then do the film project. I should have finished up the writing first. I have learned to watch how I either deliberately delay projects or ultimately sabotage all of them, by having too many others things going. As I’ve gotten more mature I have a better ability
to see what I can actually accomplish and set smaller goals, like writing a page a day. Looking back on my experiences and what I’ve accomplished, I think it’s more productive to do it that way—more consistent.” Keep in mind, focused action isn’t fitting more in, it’s doing things more effectively.
#7 One of the main reasons you can fail to get to your next big thing is you don’t spot the elephant in the road before it gets there. It did not show up overnight. Often people wait until the elephant is in the roadway, try to ignore it exists or simply get fed up trying to go around it and stop where they are. You want to keep your eyes peeled with what you need to handle next and next and so on, so you can make bigger strides towards your vision and minimize or eliminate the tiptoeing around elephants. A successful “elephant trainer” looks out for any potential problems, plans ahead and figures out what to do next. Break your objectives down to smaller doable steps while crosschecking your priorities.
#8 In order to find your own rhythm with changes, you need to have the right attitude about change and be adaptable to it. Examine your willingness or resistance to change. Reassess and manage your priorities. It is not about forcing yourself to take a particular direction at an inappropriate time. Also, consider those in your environment your choices will affect and factor them in as part of the timing for your decision.
#9 Being an over planner can give you a false sense of security. You can get overly invested in it and miss taking actions. The dark side of a scorecard is sometimes you get so busy measuring the size of the table you’re going to build, you stop, or worse don’t even start, building it. An early client of mine, John, and I were hitting the wall in coaching. We were getting bogged down in the planning phase and decided to take a week break from coaching, during which time John deepened his inner work. Two weeks later he had a big boom and got his results.
#10 The catch word here is “knowing” and that’s where you can get yourself into trouble. Be willing to listen with new ears and ask for support from others.
#11 in letting go of the legacy trap, you become present to your current value. That’s where you can easily get stuck, trying to pre-determine, measure or summarize the ultimate value of your choices, and your very existence. Po Bronson in the book, What Should I Do With My Life? says, “there is no official list of honorable, noble careers. The proof is in the individual’s experience. You either find the pleasure of connecting with others in your daily reality or you don’t…”
Being yourself with others, that’s where the rewards live. The form and fruition of your actions is secondary.
#12 By expecting new barriers, you are able to stay out of a cloud of delusion that all is well, rather than anticipating what may be needed next and consistently taking small steps forward.
#13 The old story, “I don’t have time to prepare for changes or to do any personal assessment, I just have to get going and keep up,” has been proven time and again not to work. Is it time for action or reassessment? Look around and see if you’re smelling roses, if not, you may need refueling time. If, however, you feel you’re refueled and ready to go, the question to ask yourself is whether preparation has been adequately done or you’re ready to launch your next big thing? It’s exhilarating to sometimes just go for it, yet many an enthusiastic weed has been flattened by a
passing vehicle.
You might ask, what happens when I have a false positive—a false notion of what the next big thing is, and I go down that road? I’m going to answer that question with another. Did it move you forward? Because sometimes that’s the only way we can see we need to choose another road, after we’ve traveled down one that dead ends. But to shorten those kinds of journeys and keep change more effortless, here’s my definition of progress: What constitutes progress is what moves us forward with the power to redefine the big game.
I’ve spoken about revealing your Next Big Thing through choosing valued, worthy, challenging and rewarding objectives. You can lean into your decision with more confidence and ease by applying the 13-characteristic model.
In summary, some of the ways to achieve your objective is by maintaining focus, relying on uncertainty successes and not over planning. Take small consistent steps, enjoy the journey NOW and trusting your legacy will turn out. An important last step to mention is celebration. It’s not worth it if you drop out the fun. Always schedule some celebration and acknowledgement time after goal completion.
Remember, on your journey to achieve your Next Big Thing there are simple ways to get ahead if you’ll stop, listen, and use the resources of head AND heart. It was once told to me the only difference between stumbling blocks and steppingstones is the way you choose to use them.
Laurie A. Sheppard is a master certified Life Coach and Career Strategist to mid-level professional women and women entrepreneurs who want to make quality career and personal changes.
Ready to change your life? Contact Laurie at info@creatingatwill.com or call her at 310-645-2874. Sign up to receive monthly career tips
c. 2004, 2006 This article is free to publish in its entirety, with a courtesy email to info@creatingatwill.com (First published as part of a literary journal on career changes, Chrysalis, and a Boston University senior thesis)
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