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Make no mistake about it ─ a life of complaints isn’t for the weak, it’s for the strong.  It takes stamina to subject yourself to constant review of what’s failing in your life and continually imagine the scenarios you could have had if you’d only done something else.  Tired enough to convert it?  If so, read on.  If not, hope to catch you next time.

Naming the effect the problem has on you can help you see it with a perspective that distances it from being something wrong with you.

TUMBLEWEED EFFECT ─ One or two problems become bigger and spread as they roll along, forming other tumbleweeds.  You know the cause, you had a plan and now it’s not going the way you expected.  Rather than interpret one or two problems as occurring in isolation, you collapse your view so everything else appears messed up too.  Plus the computer is down or you misplaced something.  Now your whole day seems off track.

QUICK SAND EFFECT ─ As you reach for a solution you keep falling back in the hole.  You try to get on solid ground, but another problem, small or large, seems to claw at you and you loose the ground you’d gained.  These days happen.  It sounds like a call for a day off, or at least an extended lunch, but instead you push upwards, falling repeatedly.

BURSTING SEAMS EFFECT ─ You either feel too big or too small for the situation.  It’s hard to contain your frustration.  You’re not sure whether to jump or sit still, to hurry up or give up what you’ve been doing.  Whatever positive internal messages are trying to center you, you don’t stop to listen for now.

CARE-LESS EFFECT ─ You start cycling an inner dialogue that says, “It doesn’t matter anyway, nothing is important.”  True, nothing is THAT important.  If you listen you will find it’s the truth.  You may even have that rewarding peacefulness come over you.  But it quickly shifts to a feeling of resignation when you give more thought energy to what’s not working.  “What’s the point?  What difference does it make now anyway!”  Etc.  Etc.

The affect of your upset could be all the above, so what do you do when it hits you?

Stop trying to figure things out or make decisions.  You’re not in the right place at the moment.  Just plain trust you will be a little later.

Don’t talk to others to merely gossip or complain and potentially cause a bigger problem, even if it just distorts your view.

Most important is to accept where you are.  Slow down and respect your need for a deeper connection.

If you have to decide something now, make the minimum safe choice and then inform everyone else you’ll get back to them.  Then take a break.

Avoid outside distractions such as television, telephones and computers. They only postpone the silence and gap you need to get clear.  If you can’t do that, take a long lunch or work hard for a few hours and leave the office early.  (As long as this isn’t a habit at work, no one will think you’re shirking your responsibilities.  Especially when you come back recharged.)

Take alone time and don’t fill it with anything but space.  Contemplate, pray, meditate, go for a walk, sit and watch the clouds or sunset.

Helping others can be known to eliminate your own self-concerns and cause an improved focus in your own life.  (However, if it’s an avoidance technique, or you don’t have the energy reserves to do it, don’t.)

Writing your thoughts and feelings down can be healing.  Don’t write as if anyone else is going to read it.  Just do mind and emotion dumping.

If you’re prone to frequent or long upsets, get immediate psychological help.  For temporary setbacks, you could also benefit from therapy.  Consider coaching if you’re ready to get back on track with clarifying goals and taking action.

Acknowledge yourself for bringing yourself forward and not dwelling for long in the negative.

Finally, when your upset has passed and you’re ready to look at the situation with fresh eyes, take a paper and pen and sit somewhere quiet to consider next steps.  Reflect on the problem at hand and how you would help someone else with this problem.  Come up with a peace plan (vs. a battle plan) and share it with someone you trust who can support you.

Constant complaints don’t serve anyone, but most of all, you.  Take back the power that slipped away while you focused on what you don’t have, where you’re not yet, and where you should be if you had your act together.  Consider that you do and you’re right where you need to be, for the next big thing that’s coming your way.  

Laurie A. Sheppard is a master certified Life Coach and Career Strategist to mid-level professional women and women entrepreneurs who want to make quality career and personal changes. 

Ready to change your life? Contact Laurie at info@creatingatwill.com or call her at 310-645-2874.   Sign up to receive monthly career tips