|
Surrender means giving up, stopping, relinquishing your firearms and admitting defeat. It is a close cousin to resignation. It has also come to mean the power to let go and, because of this, we use the words acceptance and surrender interchangeably. Yet what about those you talk with who may have different mental images or constructs? How can you understand the nuances of these words to speak more directly to the heart and tangibility of positive change for yourself and others?
More than a dance between definition and identity, this distinction in meaning brings the question of self-responsibility to the forefront. When you surrender, do you knowingly give in to disappointment, sadness, frustration or even anger when things don’t work out as you think they should? If so, you’re blaming someone or something for your circumstances. There is no letting go taking place. This is false surrender.
True surrender is letting go of what was or is. Acceptance is comprised of trust and unattachment and has a current and future orientation. You can’t surrender something in the future.
When you are unattached, you still stand in full commitment to your intended outcome, demonstrate focused action towards that outcome, yet are willing to change course if necessary. Trust allows for a sense of safety with the unknown. The benefits of unattachment are peace, calm and contentment. You can’t try to be unattached in order to get something, including your peace. If you try to do unattachment, you’re attached to getting unattached.
Acceptance is like water flowing from a faucet. There is no resistance as the water pours out in a continuous flow. If you get cold water when you preferred warm, you try to adjust the taps. If only cold water continues to flow from the tap, you will probably try to fix it yourself or call a plumber. Resolving the problem may be challenging, but can you address the situation without giving in to upset? Yes. You assume full responsibility for your outcomes and bring awareness to your choices and actions that will help you more freely shift your circumstances as needed.
In work we constantly face new decisions. Problems will arise when you feel a need to control the outcomes and make things happen at your pace or meet the unrealistic expectations of others. Sometimes you don’t let go of your attachments to the results because you feel time pressured, most often self-induced. Despite your best intentions to go-with-the-flow, you’ve no doubt experienced that life is chaotic. You will sometimes get the right temperature of water, sometimes get cold water and sometimes no water at all.
True surrender or acceptance at the times when we've got a result we didn't want, is when we need to ask, “What now becomes possible?” If you have predefined your actions, you’ll likely continue down a path that leads nowhere. Yet if you take things more slowly and listen for internal guidance, an unexpected solution or new direction will emerge. Fixed expectations will only get in the way of this new, emergent reality.
To experience an inspired evolution of spirit and more freedom with acceptance and true surrender:
-accept the truth in self love, despite what you have learned about selfishness, ego or vanity. Don’t be so shocked in the recognition that you are more than you consistently recognize. When you can do this for yourself, you can more easily accept others and a variety of circumstances.
-celebrate the power of choice. Re-choosing is part of the plan – “If not this, then what?” It’s not failure. It’s another choice.
-be willing to give up your ways of thinking and doing to consider new thinking, make new connections and try out previously uncharted routes. Challenge yourself whenever you find yourself deeply opinionated or positional on a point of view. It’s freeing not to have to have all the answers.
-if your approach is keeping you or your project stuck, it may be because your attention is too focused on measuring where you are. Get back on even ground by taking a break from whatever you’re doing and reschedule other things that unwisely force your hand or drive your behaviors. Move forward when you have readiness without anxiety.
-think of the metaphors you’re in. For example, use the analogy of the water flow. Does that image calm you, remind you to breathe and help you put your choices into perspective? Do you see your waters are rusty or dammed up with debris? If these images don’t work for you, find those that do and use those as your mental mantras to keep you open and in the flow of your day.
Enjoy the newfound freedom you feel in living your life in a state of acceptance. Become more aware to shift your outlook whenever you find yourself or your circumstances as inflexible or resistant to change. Through surrender and acceptance of what is, new opportunities and positive changes will present themselves. Those around you will welcome your clear modeling of this possibility for positive change as well.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Laurie A. Sheppard is a master certified Life Coach and Career Strategist to mid-level professional women and entrepreneurs who want to make quality career and personal changes. She offers complimentary coaching sessions, giveaways and resources, including her free monthly e-zine, "Change-makers’ Career Tips," at http://www.creatingatwill.com . Ready to change your life? Contact Laurie today. c. 2008 This article is free to publish in its entirety, with this paragraph included and a courtesy email sent to info@creatingatwill.com
|
